O Holy Night

I love the words to this Christmas carol it's my very favorit. The words have so much power to them and every time I hear this song I get goose bumps. When we sang it in church this past Sunday I read the words and as I sang, I was so humbled by the pure love my King has for me and for all.

 

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
it is the night of the dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!


Fall on your knees,
oh hear the angel voices,
oh night divine, oh night when Christ was born.
Oh night divine, oh night when Christ was born.


Led by the light of faith serenely beaming
with glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
here come the wise men from Orientland.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger,
in all our trials born to be our friend.


Truly He taught us to love one another,
his law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother,
and in His name all oppression shallcease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
let all within us praise His holy name.

Merry Christmas!

I am

Where have I been?

It feels a bit off for me to not have the month of November filled with all things "Thankful." The truth is I have written several posts but I was not satisfied enough to push the publish button. Things have been a bit raw for me lately and I found myself in a place words could not find.  

I was warned, I was even cautioned and I was told that "when I decided to be all in," to be willing to do whatever He asked of me that "I would gain and I would lose."

I have gained a little boy who has my whole heart, but is an ocean away.

I have lost a close friend (ouch) this was a tough one.

I have kept a close friend, This person is beyond more than I asked and prayed for.  This is a tough and well..... brutal road I am on. I know that sound dramatic, but the truth is when your child is half a world away it is brutal. Every day is a fight to trust, believe and to lay everything down knowing He is in control. This friend has held my hand, prayed, cheered me on, fundraised with, and for us. She has given me words of encouragement, wisdom and comfort. My closest and sweetest friend has been so much of my strength during this time. God is and has worked so mightily through her. She is that friend that truly knows me from the inside out, the good, the bad, and she accepts every part of me. The most important part of our friendship is that she points me to my king everytime. What a Gift!

 I have lost all ability to reason with God, truth? I never really had the ability, but I sure tried.

I have gained a whole group of lovely ladies who are walking the same journey as me. We have celebrated together, cried together and even been angry together. These lovely ladies are some of the best women I have ever met, and the funny thing is we are spread out all over the U.S. 

 I lost many tears over what my eyes have seen during this season, I have watched a dear friend beg for her daddy to be with her for one more Christmas, and I have seen little children on the street without a warm place to lay their heads, I have seen the eyes of a little boy that want so baldly to forget all the ugly he has seen in just the short life he has lived, I have seen the wealthy man turn his his head to the poor and the needy, not out of pride, but out fear. I have seen a young man fight for his life not giving into the cancer.

I have gained a deeper understanding of my Fathers love for me and for others. A love I pray many more will come to truly understand.

Amongst the loss I have learned that we can find beauty in the pain and we can trust an all knowing Father who cares more than we will ever be able to understand.

I have gained more than I have lost and I am holding on in the middle of the storm.

Being a Mama and One step closer

We have days we are good about it

we remember this is part of the process

it's what we signed up for

but while we wait, we miss Him

honestly?

We'er a little afraid

I won't list off all we fear

it would be pointless

because we choose to be brave

to lean on the one who is all knowing

the one who is all loving   

Big sis turned nine... I can't believe what a blessed Mama I am to have this sweet, sincere, loving, loyal, cheerful little girl as mine. She brings so much Sunshine into my life and I'm humbled to be a part of the little person she is. She has been so much of my shaping and molding. When I became her Mama I became the real me. The one my King shaped me to be

Happy Birthday beautiful  
you changed my Stars.

 We missed him while big sis opened gifts 

while we sang
while we got silly

While we walked along breathing in the crisp air

I continued to look for someone missing

maybe I was miss counting?

 then it came to me

someone was missing

my sweet boy oh.... how I miss you everyday

I guess this is part of it.....

being a Mama

we love so deeply at times it hurts

each one of our precious ones carry a piece of our heart with them

and some of those pieces are millions of miles away

 While we wait

    we pray for you

   
       your sisters ask....

 when you're coming?

when they get to meet you?

You are loved

each day we miss you

we are one step closer

the song below is one that has taken words right out of my head and from my heart

A Dream Coming True

Where do I begin?

I was sitting on my couch praying and asking my all knowing father the One who is my hope and my promise, for renewed strength. I was worn out by the process, the not knowing, the fundraising. I was so tired.

I asked my King to rebuild my confidence in what He was asking of us. I thought to myself " was this really His will for our lives, was He really going to fulfill the promise He planted in our hearts?"

He spoke to me very clearly, He put peace in my heart and I knew I needed to check my e-mail AND............there it was the e-mail we had been waiting for, praying for and hoping for. I grabbed my phone to call our adoption coordinator,I could see our agency had been trying to reach us. My phone was off all day, it was one of those days... I needed quite from the world, to be still, to just.... be.

A dream that was seeded in our hearts was unfolding.

As I listened to our coordinators voice on the other end of the phone my head would not catch up with my heart. It was all becoming more real.

I am now a proud momma of four!

and....... this time it's to a beautiful,precious,perfect little boy!!  

I cannot share photos or specifics for his safety, but I can tell you that the first photo we saw of our precious boy was the face of a sad, broken little boy, his eyes spoke of fear and pain.

We hit our knees  

As we prayed for him and the brokenness we saw in his eyes our love for him grew even deeper. He is ours. I cannot express in words how it feels to love someone so deeply that started life in another person's arms, but I can tell you this. My love for my son is no different than the love I felt for my girls when I saw their face for the first time in the delivery room. We may have missed out watching him take his first steps, and we don't know what his first word was, but we know that our Fathers plan is a perfect plan.

And......      

He is a Miracle performer

We got to see updated photos of our little boy and just three weeks after being at the orphanage he was smiling and laughing, we can see his broken little spirit is being restored and we know this is just the begging of all of the good things our Savior has for him.    

While we wait,we know our faithful and powerful God is holding him in His hands.

We can see strength in the depths of our little boys eyes.

An unexpected surprise came just a few days after getting our referral. We get to send a small package to our precious boy!Our girls drew their brother pictures and they had a blast shopping for cars and cargo shorts. 

Our hearts are full

 

Remember

This past week has been a whirlwind.

We had our home study visit and our individual interviews, yes both in one week, separate days .

What's next?

We wait for our social worker to write up our home study "should take two weeks max", send off our I600A then we will start our dossier.

Maybe I am alone in this, but I have to admit our preparation for our home study visit was stressful. Many of our friends who have already walked through this part of the process said " we had nothing to worry about."  (friends that have not only walked down this road before, but ones who have loved , supported, cheered on,  and prayed us through our adoption journey. <3)  We cleaned  until our bones ached, organized, folded, cleaned out cabinets', changed out smoke detectors, lined shelves and I'm sure I am leaving a lot out . I analyzed in my head every possible question I might be asked and I didn't sleep a wink the night before.

Our friends were right, but I am so glad I folded every towel  and matched every pair of socks,  and scrubbed with a tooth brush to get every corner of our home clean  because our social worker took a full tour of the house, the back yard and even looked in some cabinets. ha!  

 

After our one on one interviews (first me then Dave) we headed off on a little family get away. Our agency puts on a reunion every year for families who have adopted from the DRC and any families who are on the waiting list (that's us) are welcome to attend in order to get a chance to know the faces behind all the phone calls and e-mails, and to meet the lovely families who have already walked in our shoes of course.

Pretty great, right?

 It was a piece of heaven to see all the families bonded together and to see the amount of joy these beautiful children carry with them.  

My oldest daughter met her "best friend" that day and they played every moment they could squeeze in together. This was also a time for our children to see a different culture, let me just say this culture is so beautiful, these little ones were dancing and singing,
smiling and laughing.

When it was time to leave after our first night of events our next to littlest said " are all those kids with chocolate skin adopted ?  Me- "yes" ( big smile) she then said " we should adopt one like that mom, one with chocolate skin."

Heart melted......      

 I am so grateful and blessed to have been able to attend this lovely gathering,

So many stories, good and even sad,  I won't go into detail but by the end of the second day my heavy heart brought about fear and the "what if's."    

Reality?

adoption, it can be messy.

Remember ....... When I spoke about open hands?

I decide to take a little walk. As I  was walking along underneath  the big green  trees  one of my dear friends came along side me and she said " this is your story and God is the author of your story,"

She is right.

Our adoption story is its own. However my Father chooses to right it.

 I have come to realize how much I want certainty  through this messy but beautiful life I live. 

Truth?

He is my only promise, my only certainty.

I read a little book called Jesus Calling by: Sarah Young almost daily, it has little words of encouragement that are inspired by scripture from the B.I.B.L.E  this one was perfect for me that day and I hope it can be of some encouragement to you as well.

" I am a mighty God. Nothing is too difficult for me. I have chosen to use weak ones like you to accomplish My purpose. Your weakness is designed to open you to my power. Therefore, do not fear your limitations or measure the day's demands against your strength. What I require of you is to stay close to Me, living in trusting dependence on My limitless resources. When you face unexpected demands, there is no need to panic. Remember that I am with you. Talk to me and listen while I talk you through each challenging situation. I am not a careless God. When I allow difficulties to come into your life, I equip you fully to handle them, relax in my presence, trusting in my strength."

 I'm choosing to remember the good, the bad, the tough parts and even the sad parts, knowing that my Father is the author and in the end it all is worked out for the good.     

Luke 1:27 Cor. 12:9

To the one

To the one who kisses those ouchies and scares the monsters away

oh..... how you love fiercely and protect safely

you dance that first dance

 you show them the way..

the way their Father up above loves them

Those little girls call you their

"hero"  

they want you to be always near 

 waiting for you to come home, to share about their day.....

to show you how to twirl

and how they can cut the right way

you listen and you hold

you teach them their worth

showing them they are fearfully and wonderfully made

you are "daddy" 

a daddy who shows them how to love and how to be

soon....

you will be

anothers hero

I know this

because you are incredible at being "daddy'

An update to the update

It's a time to dance

For those of you who have been reading  my blog for the short time it's been up you know that there was a possibility that we might have been gifted with two,  when I saw the photos of these two little lives I could see the great sadness in their eyes. I wanted to jump on a plane and rescue them right then and there, I heard God telling me

"there is a reason these two little precious lives were brought into your life."

I now know that they were placed in our lives so that we could see what it looks like to see the eyes of a child who has had so much taken from them. It was my father saying....

" hit your knees Sarah, pray for these precious ones of mine."

"They need loving hands and the warmth of a forever family."

"Be my  ambassador, they mean so much to me."

We will not be calling these little ones our own,but we celebrate because this is not about us, we are on this journey because God called us to adopt and he is working every detail out for his glory.     

In fact I am dancing with joy, this means two less from the 147 million out there without a home to call their own.

 We are now number three on the waiting list

We are getting closer......

While we wait and we walk along this bumpy road  I hold my father's hand . I'm soaking in every little detail, knowing this is a beautiful time, a time like none I've ever experienced.

We have seen our Father move mountains and we have been wrapped in love.

I checked the mail yesterday to find this!

the note reads

"please accept this donation for your adoption best of luck"

We have been gifted with many of these

some by friends others by complete strangers

from 20.00 donations to 2000.00 donations

It  has humbled us and we see planted seeds growing

 so many in our corner.......  

some have even put together fundraiser of their own on behalf of our adoption.

You all have put a love in our hearts, in a way words could not express!

love from our home to yours xxxx's